Today is a day where peace was a battle. It was a day that anxiety fought hard and I wanted to let it win.

A day where my mind ran in circles and my body told me that my anxious thoughts were right. My racing heart, shallow breathes, and flushed face were telling me it was too much.

And I wanted to listen. I wanted to give in. I wanted to distract myself with entertainment. I wanted to wallow in self pity. I wanted to zone out and try to pretend I didn’t feel that way.

But on the days peace is a battle, I’ve learned i must fight for it. When my heart, mind, and body are screaming lies at me, I have to choose to fight back with the truth I know.

God is for me.

God is in control.

He orders my steps.

He is my Prince of Peace.

He is constant, unchanging, and faithful.

He is the beginning and the end.

I am loved. Chosen. Forgiven. Seen. Held.

I can fight back, not with my own strength, but with His strength which is made perfect in my weakness. I can fight not with my words, but with His.

Peace doesn’t always come easy. Sometimes it takes a battle. But when my mind wants me to listen to the lies, and when I am too weak to fight on my own, I can trust my Prince of Peace to give me strength to fight back.

And I will choose to be keep pursuing Peace because He is worth pursuing.

Last night was one of those nights that my girls felt like a bag of popcorn, each one taking turns popping up and needing me as I would get the other one down and back to sleep. It’d been a long week and I was exhausted. At about 4 am, I thought, “Oh I really wish I could climb back into my own bed right now.”

But as I closed my oldest’s door, walked down the dark hallway, and opened the other door of my sweet baby’s room, pushing aside my desires for her needs, I felt that soft nudge of the Spirit.

The Lord reminded me that He knows what it feels like to leave behind comforts to meet the needs others have. And while leaving my bed was such a small sacrifice and my children’s needs were so easily met with a simple snuggle, He gave up an infinite amount for something that required decidedly more of Him.

He gave up the riches of heaven, the comfort of His home, the presence of the Father, and His own will for humanity. Our need was so great. Our sin so vile, our hearts so self absorbed and easily swayed. There was no way that we could bridge the gap that separated us and Him. There was no way for us to get to Him.

So, He left it all. He walked with us, talked with us, ate with us, healed us, taught us, and then He died for us. Why? Because from down the dark hall where we lay, unwilling and unable to free ourselves from the sins that bound us, He heard our cries for help. He heard our need. He heard MY need, and He came. And He still does. For the broken, the weary, the addict, the fearful. For those who are bitter and bound. For those who are prideful and hard. For the sinner. For me. For you. He still walks the dark hallways answering the cries of those who are calling out for Him.

Are you in need tonight? He hears you. He’s coming.

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

2 corinthians 10:12 NKJV

What is it about the flesh that craves comparison? It’s a two way street that is so easy to find myself traveling. There’s that route that lets you look down on others, making yourself feel better, justifying yourself and your actions. Then there’s the opposite side of the road with the urge to stare longingly at the life someone else has or portrays on social media, ignoring your own blessings, wishing away your own days.

Maybe it’s pride or maybe it’s jealousy (which is still really pride telling us we deserve it more than they). Whatever petty emotion it is that drive us to comparison, all it does is multiply those ugly feelings, and drain the positive.

Comparison motivated by pride breeds more pride, more vanity, more frustration and it drains grace, meekness, and kindness from our hearts.

Comparison motivated by jealousy breeds more jealousy, more discontent, more anger, and once again drains kindness, generosity, and joy from our hearts.

But it’s not a competition.

Your home. Your wardrobe. Your job. Your social status. Your abilities. Your success.

They are not meant to be tallied a score board of life next to that fellow believer you line yourself up by.

No, those things are not points, but are meant to be tools for the kingdom.

Your abilities are so you can glorify Him. Your job is so you can glorify Him. Your clothes, your success, your home – these are all meant to help you glorify the Lord and point others to Him alone.

Comparison is only a symptom of a distorted focus. It’s us shifting our eyes off of our Creator and onto ourselves. When your focus is on Him, you’ll celebrate others victories and figure out ways to lift them up when they are down.

So quit worrying about how your scoreboard of life compares to someone else and focus on how your life can be used for Christ today. I can promise you’ll find joy, contentment, and peace multiplying in your heart if you do.

Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 ESV

Anxiety is heavy.

It sits like a rock on your chest, making it difficult to breathe, hard to think, and impossible to find joy. It keeps your head down, eyes focused on the what ifs of today and the regrets of yesterday. It is painful and unwanted, and yet it takes over our hearts and our minds so easily.

It feels impossible to carry, as if it is too heavy for us, and yet so many times we brace ourselves and trudge on with our anxieties held tight as we struggle to take another step.

And the thing is, it feels too heavy because we were never designed to be the ones to carry it. We were meant to give each heavy burden of fear and worry and doubt to the One who cares for us.

I know the truth is that He desires to carry my anxieties for me, but I tend to hesitate. Sometimes I think that God must be ashamed of my anxieties, frustrated at the fears and worries that weigh me down, disappointed that I cannot carry these burdens myself, but that is so far from true.

He knows our human heart is prone to worry, and in 1 Peter, He beckons us to simply give those anxieties to Him. He doesn’t say don’t ever have anxiety, don’t ever worry. He doesn’t chastise for the fear. He tells us to let Him carry them, because He cares about us. He cares about the things we care about. He cares about the heaviness of heart that the burdens bring. And He knows that He can carry it all.

He is not weak. He is not frail. He is more than strong enough to carry each fear we bring.

So if today, anxiety is so heavy you feel like you might not be able to take your next breath, please try giving it to my Jesus, because He cares for you.

“If My people who are called by My name humble themselves, and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”
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2 Chronicles 7:14

This mama needs revival.

I’ve been hearing of the revivals spreading across our nation with excitement and thankfulness. The start of these revivals have been different than expected. When I think of revival, I often think of a series of services, powerful sermons, and large crowds. And while that often comes with revival, one thing I’ve learned from the spontaneous movement at Asbury University is that revival does not always come in the way or from the place I expect it.

In Asbury, the steps to revival involved students making a choice to tarry in prayer. It wasn’t complicated. It wasn’t a dramatic step that caught everyone’s eye. It was a simple choice by a group of young people to wait in the presence of God to see what He would do.

What if revival really is that simple? What if it’s not about perfectly planned services or enigmatic speakers but instead is about humility, determination to seek our God, and repentance? In that first great revival in Acts, the Holy Spirit flooded that city because those in the upper room made the choice to obey and tarry in prayer. Then, the fire fell. Then, people were filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. Then, many others were saved and filled with the Holy Spirit.

Like many of us, I desire the power of the Holy Spirit to be shown in such a way in my life. And I believe that God also desires this as well, but He is waiting on me to take steps of obedience and humility. He’s not waiting for me to complete a complicated set of steps that requires specific people and specific places.

He’s waiting for me to make time for prayer and bible reading over social media and entertainment. He’s waiting for me to let go of the sins and weights that I have tucked away in our hearts so that I can once again seek Him fully. He’s waiting for humility, a commitment to prayer, and repentance in my own heart.

This mama needs revival, and I’m realizing I don’t have to wait for the perfect moment or place. I can pursue revival where I am today, for my heart, my family, and my city.

Children are a heritage from the Lord.

Psalms 127:3

I’ve seen a trend circling through social media that essentially makes the point that having children is what destroyed their marriage because their relationship couldn’t survive the postpartum stage. I’ve also seen posts made in response to these that state they don’t want kids because of this.

I’ve felt compassion for both those whose marriages have fallen apart and those who are afraid that children will ruin their marriage, but I’ve also felt a sadness at the thought that children are anything less than a blessing.

I’m a mama in thick of postpartum for the second time in two years. I’m a mama who understands the struggles of postpartum depression and anxiety. I’m a mama who feels the pressure of trying to balance my home, my children, my relationship with my spouse, my job, and my friends.

I can tell you that children are a challenge. They will challenge your patience. They will challenge your ability to be selfless and kind. They will challenge your ability to maintain your relationships – whether with your spouse or your friends. They will challenge your sanity and so much more.

But children are also teachers. They will teach you to find joy in the smallest things. They will teach you how to forgive and how to love. They will teach you how to choose others over yourself. They will teach you how to lead by example and how to work on your self. They will teach you the importance of your spouse, your family, and your friends.

They will teach you that you are stronger than you think you are and more resilient than you know.

They will teach you that you matter, because they need you, and they will teach you that they matter and are worth every challenge, because you need them.

In the wee hours of this last night, I sat rocking my sick babe, trying desperately to get her some relief through rest. As she settled in to sleep, I gently placed her in her crib, but when her little body felt my arms drift away, she let out a cry of protest. I quickly scooped her up, and cuddled her close, and whispered, “It’s okay that you need me because I’m here.”

As the words left my mouth, I felt an echo in my heart as I remembered the words of my Savior written in Matthew,

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matt. 11:28 ESV

So often, we want to appear strong. We want to handle the challenges, difficulties, and battles of life on our own. We don’t want to be vulnerable or show weakness.

But Christ’s words to us, remind us that with Him, there is no need to hide.

Are you weary? He is here. Are you lonely? He is here. Are you overwhelmed? Anxious? Discouraged? Depressed? He. Is. Here. He is not ashamed of your need for Him. He is not disappointed. He will not turn away from you. He is waiting for you to call out for Him.

You don’t have to put on an act in front of Jesus.

It’s okay that you need Him, because He’s here.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

To the women in my life who have taken the time to encourage and build me up, thank you.

Thank you for every text, from late night venting sessions to silly memes sent in the middle of the day.

Thank you for words of wisdom in moments of difficulty and shared laughter in moments of joy.

Thank you for not being afraid of my tears or tired of my venting sessions.

Thank you for understanding when I take 3 days to text back or reschedule on you 7 times.

Thank you for building me up when I felt like I was in pieces, for celebrating my victories, and pushing me to do better in my struggles.

Thank you to the ones who don’t sugarcoat their words but share the hard truths with loved, and the ones willing to listen when words are not needed.

I can look at my life and see pieces of each of you.

Thank you.

Goodness, I’m tired

My day is made of a million little things

Babies rocked, dishes washed,

The business the day always brings

And yet, the little things matter.

There’s joy in these chores

A mama’s load is heavy

but it glorifies the Lord

The little eyes that watch me

Feel my love as I serve them

A love I pray will one day

Lead them straight to Him

For the little things, they matter

The mundane day to day

The home you clean, the babies you hold

The things you do and say

“The little things matter.”

I once again repeat.

As I hold her little fingers

And rock her little self to sleep.

And to this people you shall say: ‘Thus says the Lord: Behold, I set before you the way of life and the way of death. He who stays in this city shall die.., but he who goes out and surrenders to the Chaldeans who are besieging you shall live…”

Jeremiah 21: 8-9 ESV

In Jeremiah we find a familiar story of Israel’s repetitive rebellion and God’s necessary judgment. In the land God had provided for them, they had become comfortable and complacent. They had forgotten the One that had brought them out of Egypt and into the promised land. They had built idols and filled the sanctuary with dead gods who did not have the ability to hear their prayers, let alone answer them. Their choice to break the covenant they had with the one true God meant that they would face judgment – they would be taken into captivity by their enemy.

In the middle of this judgment, however, God extended mercy. He told them that they had a choice. It was a choice to go willingly into captivity, to leave their comforts, to leave their idols, to leave their past sin and failures behind and face the unwelcome path before them, or they could stay in the city they had filled with their idols and rebellion. It was a painful choice, a difficult one, except that really it all came down to one thing – it was a choice of life or death. Go and live. Stay and die.

And today, I find myself facing the same kind of choice that Israel faced so long ago. The first week of 2023 has already come to an end, along with many of our “resolutions.” But I still have a choice of what this new year is going to be.

There are places in my heart that I have filled with my own idols. It is an easy thing to do. We can fill our hearts with idols of apathy, pride, and entertainment. We can build monuments to bitterness, shame, and anger. If I, like David, cry out for God to search my heart, I know that He will find things I would prefer to leave hidden. He would push me out of areas that I find comfortable and easy. He would present me with a choice.

And although, like Israel, the choice I face this year involves moving out of my comfort zone, abandoning my idols, and trusting that He can keep me wherever He leads me, it is still about the same thing – it’s a choice of a life and death.

I can stay where I am. I can cling to my own idols. You can too. We can hold on to our memorials of whatever it is that we value more than our relationship with God. We can stay comfortable, or we can live. We can step out in faith, and choose life for ourselves, for our families, for our children.

The choice is ours. Let’s make 2023 the year we choose life.