Worth the Effort

Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

1 Peter 3:11

Pursuit. This word is filled with implications. It brings to mind the image of chasing after something, running with all your might, pushing through any obstacles, out of breath and still pushing yourself harder.

It makes me think of fast paced scenes where one person is desperately trying to escape and another is hastily trying to catch up. And it sounds exhausting. It requires effort and time and energy.

It is the word that God chooses to use in 1 Peter 3:11 when speaking about peace. And I have learned the hard way that peace is not something that comes easily simply because you are a believer. The Peace of God, which God is willing to give, takes effort, energy, and time. It requires us to push some things out of the way, to keep our eyes focused on what matters, and to spend our time wisely.

I know this, personally. During my teenage years I began to struggle with depression and anxiety. Insecurities and lies from the world and the enemy had clouded my mind and my head was filled with them. There have been moments of victory over these struggles along with dark and painful moments as I succumbed to these feelings and thoughts since then. It is not something I have shared with many people, partly because it is not something I enjoy sharing, partly because I’ve been ashamed that I have continued to fight this same battle over and over.

You see, as a believer, I began to feel like a failure because I know the Word of God. I know the promises of His faithfulness. I know the joy that can only be found in Him. I have felt His presence restore my peace and hope in moments of darkness. But time and again, I have felt hopeless sitting on a church pew. I have felt alone surrounded by wonderful friends and like-minded believers. I have listened to sermons, sang the songs, and lifted my hands in worship while feeling defeated, broken, and unworthy.

How come I was in such turmoil? Why did I allow fears to cloud my mind and give me panic attacks? Why did I feel depressed for months on end when I knew the One who gives the ultimate joy?

Many times, I have asked God to give me total victory over these mind battles. I have felt like Paul, praying for the thorn in my flesh to be removed, only to find it still there come morning. And like Paul, I am having to learn to rely on His strength in my weakness.

But, I have also felt that I must make the effort to pursue peace. I must pursue it in my mind, my emotions, my words. I must pursue it for my home, my children, my marriage.

I must pursue it when life is smooth sailing and when life is difficult, because I need it in every moment. This has meant choosing to not take part in things that steal my peace and pushing aside the obstacles in my way. It does not mean each one was a sin, but that it was taking away from my ability to pursue after my Creator.

And while I am far from the finish line, what I am learning is that when I seek peace and the One who gives it diligently with my whole heart, the Prince of Peace meets me every time. He has met me in panic attacks when I felt so overwhelmed I could hardly breathe. He has met me in moments of darkness where my heart and emotions were telling me things I knew weren’t true. He has met me when tears flooded my eyes and loneliness flooded my heart. And each time, I have found Him to be enough.

And if you are struggling with battles in your mind that you feel like no one can understand, I want you to know that He is enough for you. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t take medicine if that’s what you feel like you need. All I’m saying is the Prince of Peace is worth pursuing.